Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Magic Word

I was trying to buy Lady Gaga tickets last week (don’t judge me) and I noticed something.

The internet in confusing.

I’m not talking about how it is hard to keep up with your favorite Facebook and Twitter and YouTube videos and all that crap. No. I’m talking about how the internet is supposed to make things easier and yet I am spending more and more time doing one specific thing than I do anything else.

I am talking about verifying myself.

Back in the good old days of the internet (in like… 1996) everything was simple. There was AOL, there were websites, and there was chatting. Boom, end of story.

But most importantly, you could do anything and surf anywhere without verification. Now you need to verify that you are in fact a real live human and not some sort of droid or cyborg or… other bot type thing.

Even though it’s only a matter of time before scientists create a robot that can type in passwords they see on a screen. I mean just this week I saw a news blurb that scientists had built a robot that could balance a book on its head.

And it’s about damn time isn't it? For years I have been waiting for a robot to pass a posture class, and now, finally my dream has come true!

But I digress.

I appreciate websites beefing up protective measures for our safety; lord knows I am not looking to have my identity stolen. But the kinds of websites using this beefed up level of security doesn’t seem to make sense.

For example, I can go on my grocery delivery website, find all of my items, pick a delivery date, order, and confirm it, in less time than it takes me to actually figure out the security word on the ticket buying websites.

Before I even get the chance to purchase my tickets I have to figure this crap out.

What?! And also why? I’m not even sure the tickets you are going to show me are the ones I want. Just take me to the Lady Gaga tickets damn it. You are wasting valuable time! And yet you insist on making me try to figure out this nonsense to even have a chance at that.

Crayoned some? Crayoned? As in did you use your crayons today? Yes, I certainly crayoned today good sir.

Is this 600 or Goo? And one might think there would be a more rational pairing of words than goo and diaspora? Goo is more 5 year olds and diaspora is a bit more college diploma. So if I’m not a robot I’m either a toddler or an anthropologist.

It’s not jus the ticket buying websites, it’s also blogs. I might be opening a can of worms here but how come I can spend limitless amounts of money on my credit card without a verification word, but if I want to write “Ha, that was funny” on someone else’s blog I have to decode and rewrite a password. I feel like our prerogatives might be just the tiniest bit askew.

To me it’s like leaving the door to Fort Knox wide open while we have the Marines guard our Pogs.

I’m not sure how the people behind ticket vendors and blogs became the staunchest advocates of internet security but they are really taking their job seriously.

People talk about the “language of the internet” and I always thought it was ya know, a metaphor. Until I tried to buy these Lady Gaga (seriously, shut up) tickets.

At first I thought it was just another case of the internet being smarter than me. I thought these were words my average brain had not yet learned. But then I started looking them up and realized that wasn’t the case at all.

These words are MADE UP!

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve commented on this blog before you’ve noticed that the site gives you a word that you have to type in to make sure you are a real person.

I mean robots still must be getting through, because several weeks ago when I wrote about grooming myself I got this tasty comment.

Jimmy has left a new comment on your post "Second Puberty":

You have a nice blog. 
Nose hair clipper is in fact a personality grooming tool utilized to
trim down excess hairs in the ears and nostrils. You can get cheap 
nose hair clippers here

Chris - 
nose hair clipper 

Personality grooming tool you say? Hrmm, I never realized that.


But if the words aren’t made up than they must be words from somebody with poor knowledge of grammar or perhaps a speech impediment. And I guess by this knowledge, robots can’t have speech impediments so they can’t sound it out.

These words might not make sense to you. So I am trying to think of new ways to use them. What follows are actual words I have had to type in for verification purposes. And I have selected some of my favorite words and turned them into a glossary of sorts.

Abbeamin - As in when you walk out side and the sun is out and the sun is abbeamin!

Endazoo - As in when you want to go to the Aquarium endazoo.

Hydrove - As in when you are out of breath and you tell somebody, “Hoh my god! Hydrove all night to get here!

Inessect - As in you gotta meet me where da street inessect with da otha street.

Ovedder - As in whaddaya mean where do you get da free ice cream? It’s ovedder!

Pedder - As in this cat really gets nasty when you try and pedder.

Wadvi - As in wadvi going to do tonight? (This appears to be more of a Russian accident than poor grammar, but for our current purposes it will stay)

Who is coming up with these words? Logic would say they are randomly generated by a computer, but they are just a little too close to actual words to count. I mean, they wouldn’t win you any points in scrabble that is for sure.

I could try and win with a word like "blegemb" but I have a feeling some jerk with a dictionary would call me out.

I suppose I’m just mad because by the time I could finally figure out the passwords on the concert ticket website, Lady Gaga had already sold out.

Frigging internet.


Christopher said...

The made up word I just got when commenting on your blog was cloqu. At least the made up words follow some grammar rules. U always follows Q after all.

Adrienne Hadaway said...

Thank you! I've always found it frustrating that I have to type passwords into some of these places! I mean, who cares if I'm posting a link on my facebook page? And why is it TWO different, hard to decipher words? It's too much! So glad somebody pointed out the annoying irony of it all.

Michelle said...

Know what I noticed recently, Rich? Sometimes websites ask you to type only the "letters in white" or only "every other letter" of these made up words!! Yeah, that took a while...and my figure out.

Oh btw, I'm waiting for the day that your last name shows up as one of these security words...hahaha! Great post!

Mrs. So and So said...

Haha-that is so funny and totally true! I had to type ilablehe to leave this comment.

Caroline B said...

I quite like the funny words you get sometimes ('turbil' this time) - what drives me nuts is giving my life history just to view a knitting pattern. I'd rather not.

(Lady Gaga? Really? Oh Richard....)

A_scala said...

after reading other comments i had to share my verification word with you.. jellici..yeah jellici.. sorry to hear you did not get the tickets.. theres no shame in Gaga Rich.. i actually did get tickets.. and was typing in the silly ass words at 10am on friday morning as well.. its too bad you got stuck with 600 goo-ey crayons or im sure you would have got them too..

Anonymous said...

it's a mind game. i'm sure of it. sometimes i purposefully misspell the gibberish and it still let's me leave comments about "oh that was so funny, hahahah".... personally i think google is behind it. some sort of sick joke that evolved into something permanently irritating.

my word: vessed

what. the. frack.

Jeninacide said...

Ok, so as annoying as word verifications ARE, the real truth behind the ones that are hard to read, like CRAYONED (LOL!) is that the internet is using us poor word verifiers to digitize libraries of books. When a computer that is digitizing these volumes of books comes across a word that it cannot understand they upload it into this WORD VERIFICATION THINGY and they put it on the internet for us to decipher for them.

KINDA COOL, HUH?? So, now you should just feel like you are doing the world a good deed one little word verified at a time. :o)

Leah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leah said...

I like your sense of humor.

Also, one time I had to type in the word "retard" to comment on someone's blog. I'm still trying to tell myself it was a coincidence and that the internet wasn't ACTUALLY insulting me.

Robin Z said...

Seriously? Lady Gaga? Sigh. . .

Do you know what's really terrible? When it takes THREE freaking tries to finally get the most-definitely-made-up-by-a-kindergartener-learning-to-spell-via-phonics-in-an-otherworld-dialect-that's-yet-to-be-discovered-words correct. And why? I have no idea - I was so scarred by the 'word verification' process that I promptly forgot the reason for entering it.

BTW - the 'word' to get this comment posted? 'renextr'

Lady Gaga? That's what all these nonesense word verifications make me!

Robin Z

Pat said...

Ha - all so true. It's frustrating when I can't read the verification words. I like when it asks if I need to have the word spoken because I'm handicap. No, I just can't READ the fricking word!

How come all your examples sound like the way my relatives and people from Chicago talk?

My word verification? barrongs

thongs you wear in bars?

Once in a while said...

Hi Richard, The word photo appears in your text. Did you intend a photo or just took a fancy to the word photo? You can add me to your doughnut fans along with the dragons I write about in my books. They love doughnuts. Regards Patrick

JerseySjov said...

lady gaga is the bee's knees; i hear she puts on a really good live show.

"So if I’m not a robot I’m either a toddler or an anthropologist." haha!

i have a touch of dyslexia so the nonsense "word" word verifications take quite some time for me.

SilverNeurotic said...

It's a tad ironic that your post is about word verification-and yet, you use it on your blog.

I can't stand word verification. I understand it's purpose, but I would think there would be better technology in place by now...

Megan said...

remember when everything on the internet was free...there were not logins and no was all free. I miss those days.

Holly Renee said...

My made up word for this blog is ductorp. Is it sad that one day I got the finest as my security question and I felt really happen. As if the computer were giving me, personally, a compliment.

Also, I love that this whole post started with you getting Lady Gaga tickets.

Elizabeth McKenzie said...

I went through three tissues and attracted my husbands attention from three floors down laughing my head off.

I really needed a laugh, thanks so much, I mean it, thanks.

Verification word "deari"

Thanks Deari.

Meggie said...

Image Captcha is hilar! I once got "hindus out" (secretly racist?) and "waffled months'"

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

I get frustated by those freaking passwords too, I wonder, does my blog have it? Hmmm.... I can't believe I made that HUGE error on my blog post, and ya know what I posted it five days ago and you are the only person that pointed that error out to my dumbass! Well done, I appreciate it... really I do. I feel like a dumbass but I appreciate it. Oh and I am firing my editor.

Cathy said...

My 2 favorite shopping sites have my credit card information saved, so if anyone accesses my accounts, they just need to click and ship their felonious purchases to wherever they want! Yet, when I want to pay my phone bill, I must surrender my last 4 numbers of my social and my mother's maiden name - just so they will let me pay them money! Who cares where the money comes from as long as they get their money! Well, everything goes through cycles, so I'm sure in a few years, it will be just the robots making the decisions for us! By the way, I had to type in "lystabo" just to post this comment. As in "Uranium is the lystabo element in the universe"!