Julie of J. Crew

I operate under the assumption that every customer service representative everywhere in the world, hates their job. I think it’s a pretty fair assumption. I mean if you think about it, you never call customer service to be like

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR PRODUCT

No, you call because the item in question is a piece of shit, doesn’t work, is broken, costs too much, didn’t do what it was supposed to, or gave you a splinter. So the people who work in customer service must anticipate nobody wants to say nice things to them… ever.

Hi thanks for calling customer service. What’s that you say? Oh you have a problem? Wow, I’m shocked, please, proceed to yell at me for the next 20 minutes.

In fact everybody in America is so fed up with dealing with everybody else in America that there is literally nobody left in America to be mad at you. We had to outsource that to another country that isn’t yet fed up with us calling to be pissed off.

Most of the times those calls are really confusing and don’t accomplish much since yelling at someone 5,000 miles away is probably not going to get you to speak with their manager.

But recently when I have issues (which, who are we kidding, I have issues daily) I have been redirected to the online chat feature. I don’t mind this so much. Most of the time it is some robot sending you a link. But sometimes, you get a human. And when I do get a human, oh man, I become about as ridiculous as humanly possible.

Like when I had questions for J.Crew recently. It was extremely late at night so I was a bit loopy, but as you will see, the woman on the other end of the chat was fantastic. Naturally I saved it.

Richard: Hi Julie how is your evening going?

Julie: Hello...fine

Richard: lol that doesn't sound too wonderful

Julie: Sorry, I am doing well.

Richard: You don't have to lie on my account, we all have those days no worries.

Richard: Tell me Julie, how is your knowledge about shirts?

Julie: Thanks for waiting--will be with you in just a moment.  

Richard: Oh no worries at all. I'm sure there's not many people around to answer questions at this hour.

Julie: I'm sorry for the delay--will be right with you.  

Richard: Please, please, take your time. Like I said, they are just shirts. They are not going anywhere. Well, I mean, hopefully for your business sake they do get sold ya know?

Julie: Thanks for your patience.

Julie: Are we speaking of men's dress shirts?

Richard: Indeed we are Julie!

Julie: I do have some knowledge and I also have exact measurements for each garment we sell, except for shoes, that is.

Richard: Well quite the good thing I am not in the market for shoes tonight, at least not shoes from J Crew

Richard: I am curious about shirts that are slimmer than your classic fit.

Julie: I'll be right with you.

Richard: Oh absolutely Julie, like I said, this isn't a shirt emergency.

Richard: I have very few of those.

Julie: You would then be looking for those listed as 'Regular Fit' which is a more tailored fit.

Julie: By the way, my software sends those messages automatically. I hope they aren't annoying you.

Richard: Lol no not at all.

Richard: I find them quite entertaining, I'm actually surprised you are a human.

Julie: 100% human guaranteed.

Richard: I bought furniture from a site that was all automated responses. It was like talking to Rain Man.

Julie: :)

Julie: We also sell a Men's Slim.

Richard: Now about these regular fit shirts, do you know what the actual different in inches is from the classic fitting shirts?

Richard: Ah yes, my question also applies to those slim fit shirts.

Julie: Click here for men's slim....

Julie: If you'll bear with me for just a minute, I will give you some details. OK?

Richard: I will bear with you Julie.

Richard: I place my complete shirt trust in you, Julie of J. Crew.

Julie: What size would you normally wear? S,M,L,?

Richard: I usually fit into a medium comfortably

Julie: Great...just a few moments.

Richard: Fantastic

Richard: I imagine you have quite the shirt handbook over... well... wherever you are.

Julie: I'll be right with you.

Julie: Ok...I have some numbers.

Richard: Fire at will.

Julie: For the Regular fit medium the chest circumference is 45", waist 42.5", sleeve length-shoulder seam to cuff-25.875" and neck 16.25.

Julie: For the SlimFit medium chest is 43.5", waist is 41", sleeve is 26" and neck is 16.25".

Julie: So, I guess it's 1 1/2 inches slimmer.

Richard: and what is the classic fit, if you have that number?

Julie: Ok...another minute please

Richard: Quite the wild goose chase if you will.

Julie: I'm sorry for the delay--will be right with you.  

Julie: Ok...classic fit medium is chest 47", waist 44.5", sleeve 25.5" and neck is the same 16.25".

Richard: So I guess no matter how skinny you are we all have the same size neck huh?

Julie: Looks that way...sorry.

Richard: Oh no worries, you didn't make the shirt...necks.

Julie: Does that help you determine which one you need?

Richard: It certainly does Julie. I can't thank you enough for your diligence and your commitment to problem solving.

Julie: It's my pleasure, especially for such a nice gentleman.

Julie: Is there anything else I can help with?

Richard: If I knew how to do some sort of virtual bow, I would.

Richard: No, alas I believe our time here has come to a close.

Richard: Unless there is some question you have that I can answer.

Richard: I can't imagine what that would be though.

Julie: Well, thanks for taking the time to chat with me and for shopping with J.Crew. Anytime you need help, just ask.

Richard: Brilliant. Enjoy your evening, I hope it continues well past more than just... well.

Julie: Thanks for waiting--will be with you in just a moment.  

Richard: lol naturally.

Quite a pleasant exchange we had. My only regret is that I didn’t get her phone number or email. I could use a new friend. Especially one who knows about shirts.